*I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can't wait to show them to my wife!!
*Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon when you were a kid......
*Worlds Shortest Joke: 2 women were sitting Quietly...
*Apparently, rush hour starts the second I put my key in the ignition, no matter What time I leave........
*The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer. That means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon.............
*Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
*A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
-His wife screams at him as his friend listens in. "My hair & makeup are not
done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas
and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring
him home for?"
---"Because he's thinking of getting married...."
*During a ride in a taxicab, the rider touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab.
Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.
Still shaking, he turned to his rider and apologized.
He said, "Sorry about that.
This is my first day as a cab driver.
For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse".
*My wife was absolutely Furious when she discovered I had Untagged myself from some photos she put on Facebook. I said, "They were really Embarrassing!" "Embarrassing???" She screamed, "It was Our Wedding Day you %$#!@!!"
*How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!!!!!
*At a wedding reception the D.J. yelled...
"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living?"
The Bartender was almost crushed to death..
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